The Scene: Tuesday, December 4, 2007, The Bison Club of Spoon River Junction, Georgia.  Tonight is the annual, much-heralded and highly anticipated, Gathering of the Bison Holiday Bash.  One night a year, the proud lineage of Georgia Bison (the nation’s largest chapter), all 4500 of them, wearing their holiday “uniform” of black pants, black shirt and red tie adorned with a small black bison, convene inside the Bison Club’s massive Grand Dining Hall to review the year that was and . . . to welcome into the fold a new Bison who will give the keynote address.  Tonight, that keynote address will be from Atlanta Falcons head coach and new Bison Club member, Bobby Petrino.  Gathered behind the curtain are Bison Club president, Joe Buford, vice-president Buck Billings and 40-year Bison member Earl Clark.

Joe:    Well, this looks to be one heck-of-a night fellas…

Buck:  Ain’t many nights you get the head man of the Falcons right here at the Gathering of the Bison.

Earl:   I can honestly say, I love that man…

Buck:  Aw, hell, Earl, you said you loved Mike Vick, too—

Earl:  DON’T BRING UP VICK TO ME…I told you, I wouldn’t had a dang problem if it would’ve been fish.  Why the hell did it have to be dogs…dumb-ass.

Buck:  Now how the hell you gonna get fish to…

Joe:   LOOK BOYS……it’s 7:28 and Bobby ain’t no where to be found…either of you got his cell number?

Buck:  I had it but last time I called it, I got a message saying he moved to a new service and there weren’t no new number.

Joe:  What about Jimmy’s limo — he’s drivin’ him over here ain’t he? 

Earl:  Nope.  Jimmy got to work this mornin’ and there was a letter on his desk.  Said, “Dear Limo Company, out of my respect for you, it is with a heavy heart I terminated my agreement with your company for this evening’s services you were going to provide for me.  The decision was not easy, but it was made in the best interests of me and my family.  I appreciate your hard work and know you’re fleet is a fine one.  I wish you all the best.”

Joe:  Seems kinda sudden, don’t it?

Buck:  Yeah, but he’s under a lot of pressure.  I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason for leavin’ Jimmy…hell, maybe somebody told Bobby ’bout the last time Jimmy had a big celebrity in his car…’member that whole business with the snake and squirrel in the fridge?  Look, I expect Coach’ll be here any minute now.

Joe:  Well, we gotta get movin’…I’m gonna start ‘er up and hope he gets here…. (wild applause as Joe goes to the podium): Good Evening fellow Bison of Spoon River Junction.  I think y’all would agree this has been one of our greatest years in the history of the Bison Club of Spoon River Junction (thunderous applause).  And there is no better way to cap it off than having the coach of our beloved Atlanta Falcons, Mr. Bobby Petrino, be our keynote speaker this evening (wild applause and cheering, with members chanting “Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby…”).  So………..um………..without further ado–

Earl:  WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, IT’S AN OPEN BAR FOR EVERYONE!!  (out of control, maniacal cheering as over four thousand men leap to their feet, forgetting about Bobby Petrino for a moment, and storm the bar)  ……..Joe, we just got a note delivered to us………uh………seems Bobby decided to can us for the Bison Club of Mudd Creek, Alabama instead.  The note said, “Dear Bison Club of Spoon River Junction, out of my respect for you, it is with a heavy heart I chose to pass on giving the keynote address to your club.  The decision was not easy, but it was made in the best interests of me and my family.  I appreciate your hard work and know your club is a fine one.  I wish you all the best.”

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Obviously none of the aforementioned actually happened . . . but is any of it that far-fetched?  Why so many people seem shocked at what Bobby Petrino just did to the Atlanta Falcons is beyond me.  Of the many words attached to him over the past week or so, one of them just doesn’t fit: Complex.  Bobby Petrino is an awful lot of things right now, but complex isn’t one of them.  It’s like planes taking off and landing at an airport.  Wind speed and direction, heavy or light air traffic, bad weather conditions . . . no matter how many runways you’ve got, the planes take off and land in one direction or the other.  Period.  If the runway is north-south, they go north to south, or south to north.  And that, my friends, is Bobby Petrino. 

For his entire coaching career, Bobby Petrino has been as easy to figure out as a flight pattern at an airport.  He gets a job, he’s seemingly ready for a new one a year or two later.  While it’s a long, sometimes arduous route to becoming a head coach, it’s hard to find many other coaches who have made as many arrivals and departures as Bobby Petrino.  But not since becoming Louisville’s head coach did he truly kick it into gear.  During his four year tenure there, the names Auburn, Florida, Ole Miss, Notre Dame, LSU and the Oakland Raiders immediately come to mind as places he either interviewed, or had informal discussions with, for the head coaching job . . . all the while maintaining he loved right where he was at, the University of Louisville. 

Fast forward to 2006, Petrino signs a huge contract with Louisville and, lo and behold, later that year he’s off to the Atlanta Falcons.  From big money in Louisville to even bigger money in Atlanta.  That’s Our Guy Bobby, just goin’ with the (cash) flow.

And now it’s 2007, and with three games remaining in the regular season, Our Guy Bobby, with a heavy heart so burdened, a soul so overcome with grief, left the Falcons for the University of Arkansas . . . and did so by leaving a four sentence letter in the locker of each player. 

If I’m a fan of the Atlanta Falcons, I’m pissed off beyond words.  Bobby Petrino is a terrific football coach, of that there can be no question.  But right after the words “football coach”, that’s where any positive adjectives associated with him come to an abrupt end. 

It wasn’t that long ago I bemoaned the fact that Tennessee Volunteers head coach Phillip Fulmer had an overdeveloped sense of loyalty that clouded his ability to lead that program back to greatness.  Now, at the other end of the spectrum, Bobby Petrino’s complete and utter lack of loyalty, in any sense of the word, has me wondering which is worse:  Too loyal, or having no interest in loyalty.