Valdosta (Ga.) Named TitleTown USA; Losing Cities Furious
Christopher Gabriel | Jul 28, 2008 | Comments 5
By Christopher Gabriel, CGabriel.com
Rival cities believe ESPN.com rigged voting
VALDOSTA, Ga. (Harbors) – This afternoon, ESPN.com named Valdosta (Ga.) as TitleTown USA. While residents of Valdosta were thrilled, the reaction in several other cities across the nation was swift and scathing.
City leaders, local businessmen and even students in Los Angeles, Boston, Green Bay and Gainesville (Fla.) were fuming over the announcement they were passed over in favor of tiny Valdosta.
One Los Angeles City Council member, preferring anonymity, said “This is an embarrassment. A joke. Something really smells about this. And let’s face it, it’s another slap in the face from ESPN. That damn network doesn’t even realize there is a west coast, much less a far more deserving city than…what’s the name of that place…Valdese, Georgia?”
In Boston, one New England Patriots staff member was overheard saying, “I just don’t get it. Somebody cheated here and we think there should be an investigation. There isn’t a city in the nation that’s been winning more at the highest level than Boston, and we have the video to prove it.”
In Green Bay, the streets are empty as residents of the original TitleTown are mourning the loss of their title. Barber shop owner Eldrich Bierbauer struggled to find the right words. “First Favre, now this. Next thing you know, they’ll outlaw beer.”
At an impromptu anti-ESPN rally in Gainesville (Fla.), a University of Florida student said, “This is ______! Absolute ______! ESPN loves us. We had an arrangement. How could they stab us in the back like that? This just hurts. Isn’t it enough that we’re Florida? Shouldn’t that be enough? We’re not supposed to lose to any city in Georgia, in anything, ever! Whatever. A few dozen cold ones will take care of this. Go Gators!”
Calls to the office of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg were not immediately returned. However, an official statement was released: “The city of New York is not surprised at the TitleTown results from ESPN. We’re very much aware of that network’s longstanding Georgia bias. It’s the rare day teams from New York City get adequate respect and coverage from ESPN.”
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Among the possibly related posts is “Al-Qaida Plans Nuclear Attacks on 7 U.S. Cities.” Even the headline selecting algorithm understands how devastating it is for your city to get passed up for Valdosta, GA.
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Awesome stuff. You should seriously submit this to the Onion. I don’t know if they accept submissions, but this would definitely qualify.
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As a 50 something man, I remember as a youth who grew up in North Georgia (that’s the opposite end of the state from Valdosta for those of you who are geographically challenged), the Valdosta High Wildcats were revered. This is coming from a student who’s own high school had won numerous State Championships and seen its’ players in colleges and even the NFL.
For decades, something Florida Gators or N.E. Patriots fans can’t comprehend, the town of Valdosta has produced champions. Hail to Valdosta. ESPN didn’t sell out to some hogtown like Gainesville or some gangland like L.A.
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For decades, something Florida Gators or N.E. Patriots fans can’t comprehend, the town of Valdosta has produced champions. Hail to Valdosta.I remember as a youth who grew up in North Georgia (that’s the opposite end of the state from Valdosta for those of you who are geographically challenged), the Valdosta High Wildcats were revered.
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asciisol
charles
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I’m a lifetime resident of Valdosta, GA! The titles here are unmatched anywhere in the nation, per capita! However, that wasn’t what determined the results of TitleTown…..it was the VOTING!!! Being a small town, of course we were excited to be in the running, so we took advantage of the opportunity! We had kids voting continually….we ended up with over 400,000 votes, from what I heard! It seems like none of the “big cities” took the competition seriously; well, of course not, they’re use to this type of recognition, so they didn’t try as hard. Well, look what happened! No matter what anyone says, there was no conspiracy, no flaw in the voting, and no voting machine invented….we just “out-did” the other cities!!! We’re not called “Winnersville” for nuttin’ !!!
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