It’s tough being a teen.  While they’re busy trying to find their own identity, adults are busy trying to find it for them. 

Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, television shows, movies, advertisers selling them things . . . the list is endless.  And then there’s their friends.  The crowd they hang out with often has the greatest impact on them, nudging them one direction or another.  But regardless of who influences them, I’ve found over the years by and large, the vast majority of teens are good kids.  Really good kids.

But if there’s one area they’re not so good at – and it’s not their fault – it’s showing an awareness and responsibility of how their actions and behavior might adversely affect those around them.

I’m thinking specifically of time spent at The Playground.

My wife and I enjoy taking our two young daughters to a park near our house.  The girls climb into one of those two-person, three-wheel athletic strollers and we then go on a 45-minute walk on a path surrounding the park.  This is followed by a trip over to the elaborate play area where the girls can let loose.  Swings, climbing bars, slides . . . whatever a kid could want, they’re able to find it in this play area.

But what happens when older kids – teens – decide to turn what is ostensibly a play area for very young kids into their own pleasure palace? 

It’s a real dilemma for parents because when you get right down to it, there’s not a an age limit sign posted.  And yet, common sense suggests it’s really not designed for the bigger kids.

As we neared the halfway point of our walk, two couples – and these kids couldn’t have been more than 15 – decided they needed to begin exploring intimacy with one another.  In full view of our girls and anyone else strolling by.  Wonderful.  Now, to be fair, our 17-month-old had no idea what was going on.  But our five-year-old, that’s another story.  She couldn’t take her eyes off of them.

Joining these students of anatomy were another half-dozen kids, all of them rediscovering their love of slides, swings and gymnastics.  They charged onto the play area apparatus being, at times, loud, obnoxious and probably a bit intimidating for the children.  None of them seemed even the slightest bit aware there were other human beings just feet from them.  

Or perhaps they were acutely aware of it.

The problem here, and it’s happened before, is whose park is it anyway?  The answer is simple: It’s everyone’s park.  But the solution, truly making the park for everyone, is not so easy.

On the one hand, the older kids had as much right to be there as anyone else.  It was nothing more than a bunch of friends getting together for some harmless fun.  But there’s a point when “harmless” has far more restrictive parameters.  And that point is in play when parents and their children are in the park.

The mere fact there were children – very young children – running around trying to have fun should have been the first indication to the big kids to kick everything down a notch, or 12.  The two couples practicing the clutch-and-grab, the other six climbing to the top of sliding boards and carrying on like they were acting out scenes from old Tarzan movies exceeded tolerable in less time than you can blink.   

Then, just for good measure, four more parents arrived with their young kids.  The park was now split like the Jets and Sharks from West Side Story. 

Suddenly though, the over-the-top behavior came to a screeching halt.  It was as if they collectively realized “maybe we should get down off the top of the swings, stop stomping on the tunnel slides, drop our voices to a decibel level under 100 and resist the urge to act on our deep and intense love for each other . . . at least until we find a new play area.”

I’ve worked with young people for years in a variety of settings.  I think teenagers get unfairly labeled by much of our society.  Adults, like me, are more prone to make a rush to judgement rather than take a deep breath, listen to them and remember what our thought process was when we were that age.

Wanting them to be aware and responsible might be asking too much in certain situations, and that’s not in any way meant to disparage them.  At the end of the day, they’re still kids.  And though our common sense – our logic – tells us they should know better than to overtake a play area when there are a host of really young kids there, we often forget our common sense and logic is not shared by them.  Not yet, anyway.

Today at the park, everything worked itself out on its own.  I have a suspicion that happens more times than it doesn’t. 

But the deeper issue here is wondering why teens are finding their way to play parks instead of places that seem a much better fit for them.  Is it simply a matter of convenience for them, going over to a park in their neighborhood?  Are parents less inclined to allow their kids to have their friends over so they just give a wave of the hand and say “yeah, go ahead…” when their son or daughter says “I’m going out.” 

Talking to other parents tells me playground scenes like today’s has become more the norm that it is the exception, and that makes it an issue.  And like anything else involving our kids, solutions to problems, asking the right questions and teaching the proper lessons start at home. 

Maybe the solution here is simply taking the time to remind a teen, in a respectful and disarming way, to be aware of who’s around them when they’re with their friends. 

It’s never too soon to set a good example.  To some that may sound corny.  To others, it’s not a bad way to proceed through life.