The Farmland Almanac: Thursday, March 26, 2009
Christopher Gabriel | Mar 26, 2009 | Comments 12
with Harrison Beillor
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Fortune Cookie
by LiLi Hao Ki Lan
Picking up take-out,
It’s a tangle,
It’s a tussle,
It’s a turmoil.
Why do they pack it
So badly?
Why is my order always
So wrong?
Why are my steamed dumplings
Fried?
Please don’t crush my fortune
Cookie.
I wait to read my fate.
What will I find?
Will I have a good day?
Will I have a bad day?
Will my pork be too spicy?
Spicy pork burns the delicate lining
Of my esophagus.
How do you spell esophagus?
Maybe I should of had a pizza.
“Fortune Cookie” by LiLi Hao Ki Lan. © Big Sky Press, 1953. Reprinted with permission.
It was 70 years ago on this day in 1939 that Filbert Metzler founded the first Alternative Spring Equinox in Delphino, Kansas. Growing up Metzler believed the annual Cha-Cha of the Guinea Hens was the true indicator that spring had arrived. Every March on this date, his Guineas would inexplicably sachet across the fields to a secluded tree in a manner more conducive to dancing naked on a Brazilian beach at night. This confused him, though it proved to be a source of income for the family as they charged admission for folks to watch what he called, “the seductive and mesmerizing power of the fowl.” And Metzler never accepted why the Vernal Equinox fell on either the 20th or 21st of March. He said to his 8th grade teacher, “what’s the big deal – why can’t it be on a different day? Why can’t I pick the day? And who is Vernal?”
***
Eat well, work hard, and give me a call.
PRODUCTION CREDITS
Host: Harrison Beillor
Producer: David Allen
Technical Director: Wendy Gabriel
Inspiration: The Writer’s Almanac, with Garrison Keillor
Filed Under: Life • Media • Minneapolis • Minnesota • Society • Writing • humor • radio
I have to say, Fortune Cookie touches my soul in a way no other poem has. The writer of that piece is so insightful. It’s like she’s been with me during some of my own take-out forays… I have to go and pick up my own take-out.
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Kiki took the words right out of my mouth!
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Kiki, the writer you speak of, LiLi Hao Ki Lan, now lives in New Hampshire. She not only writes beautiful poetry, certainly her classic “Fortune Cookie” exemplifies that, but also dabbles in rugby, ice fishing and baking. She would probably fit right in here in Minnesota.
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Incidentally, many people have asked why when I comment, the “CG” logo is next to my name. Christopher has been gracious enough to give me complete access to Blog Harbor. As a matter of convenience, I simply go with the Blog Harbor URL as my website.
Additionally, I don’t have my own website. If I had my own website, I’d have my own logo. And my own URL. But I don’t. So I can’t. But someday I might. Until then, I’m URL-less.
Have I mentioned I once knew a man named Earl Less Bigley?
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H,
I just wanted to let you know that both HarrisonBeillor.com and Beillor.com are available. Better hurry though you never know when someone is going to cyber squat those domains names and seek millions from you in compensation.
Back in the 90′s I used to look forward to Thursday’s because that was the night Seinfeld was on. Since that show’s demise Thursday became an ordinary day. I must say that now, for the first time in years Thursday is once again my favorite day. Thanks to you, thanks to The Farmland Almanac.
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The juvenile side of me can’t stop giggling at the comparison of the Guinea Hens dancing to dancing naked on a Brazilian beach at night. You said “naked” hehehe!
Ahem… sorry… moving on…
I sympathize with Lili Hao Mele Kalikimaka… whatever her name is. It saddens me to see her outcry of pain at the dismal service offered at her local Chinese take-out place. If I were to wax poetic about my take out experience, it would be full of joy and praise. At my favorite Chinese restaurant, they know me by name. They know my order by heart. They give me free cream cheese wontons because I’m such a loyal customer. It’s a beautiful thing. *sniff*
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Dear Harrison,
It is obvious to me that LiLi, or Li squared as I like to call her, is in a bad relationship and she is crying out for help. Why would one continue to go to such a terrible Chinese take-out place considering there are about three on every corner? Frying her dumplings, giving her spicy pork, crushing her cookie….or is it a metaphor for her dreams? I think there is deeper meaning for all of us in this tasty little ditty. For me, the crushed cookie represents my 401K.
CLMTV
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PhillyPat: First, thank you for enjoying my work. When the first collection of poetry from The Farmland Almanac comes out, the first copy will be going to you. Signed. Incidentally, the last time I was in Philly, Pat, I made a point of trying out Pat’s, Geno’s and Jim’s steaks. I must say, I preferred Pat’s – like Christopher does. How do you feel about this? I’d very much like to know, as you are . . . PhillyPat.
My dear Terri, I should point out that Lili Hao Mele Kalikimaka has a vastly different poetic style and structure than does Lili Hao Ki Lan. I suspect you already know this. I think you’ll be excited to learn I plan on featuring Lili Hao Mele Kalikimaka in an upcoming installment of The Farmland Almanac. As for your Chinese take-out experience – your favorite establishment knows you by name, they know your order, and they provide you with free cream cheese wontons? They sound like the Chinese take-out version of a wonderful place I recently visited called Oscars Tavern.
Finally Chi Loe Ming Tai Veyt, your ability to see the hidden meaning in this classic piece of poetry is remarkable. You said “Frying her dumplings, giving her spicy pork, crushing her cookie….or is it a metaphor for her dreams? I think there is deeper meaning for all of us in this tasty little ditty.” Yes, Chi Loe Ming Tai Veyt, you are 100% correct. Lili is well-known for her use of metaphors and similes. Are you the same Chi Loe Ming Tai Veyt I met at a speaking engagement in Beijing during the 2008 Olympics?
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Fantastic production values. Hats off to your sound team. You must have a lot of fun putting these together. I wonder if you have a large library of sound effects; I’d like to see what you did with those! Best regards, P.
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Paul, thank you for your very kind thoughts.
I took the liberty of checking out your website. Wonderful to know The Farmland Almanac has found its way to your spectacular country of Australia. I was once there, in Melbourne, spending a weekend at something called The Melbourne Antelope Tractor Event (MATE). Perhaps you’re familiar with it? I was the Grand Marshall of MATE’s 12-hour parade. To watch the majesty of these antelopes in concert with tractors was poetic, it was thrilling, and it was wholly beautiful.
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>> I preferred Pat’s – like Christopher does. How do you feel about this? <<
The big 3 are good but I actually prefer Mama’s on Belmont Avenue in Bala Cynwyd. Get a mushroom pizza steak wit heavy there and you have enough to feed a family of 4.
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“The seductive and mesmerizing power of the fowl.” LOL. Sounds like an adult movie. I guess back then, they didn’t have a goundhog with a shadow to tell them when spring would arrive, so they had to rely on poultry. Interesting.
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