The Farmland Almanac: Thursday, April 2, 2009
Christopher Gabriel | Apr 02, 2009 | Comments 6
with Harrison Beillor
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Melvin’s Farm
by Daisy Kunkler
I went to Melvin’s farm last night
And began counting stars.
I stopped counting at 57.
You see a lot of stars on a farm at night.
More than 57.
But I got tired
Of counting stars
I started counting sheep
I like Melvin’s sheep. A lot.
Melvin’s sheep don’t say much
That made me uncomfortable
I got tired of counting sheep.
I started counting Melvin
There’s only one Melvin
Melvin doesn’t look like a star.
Melvin looks a sheep.
No.
He looks like a donut
I like donuts
“Melvin’s Farm” by Daisy Kunkler. © Big Sky Press, 1961. Reprinted with permission.
It’s the birthday of animal psychologist and author Dr. Lewis Nepolski, born in Rock Falls, Vermont, 1955. He wrote his first novel, The Angry Thorn Bush, several years after a session went terribly wrong. As a child, Nepolski believed he could talk to the animals. He went to see the movie Dr. Doolittle 52 times at the Rialto Theatre during a two-week break from school. It wasn’t an official break but a mandatory one imposed by school principal Richard Fitzwater who said Nepolski was “observed having unusual contact with the school’s hamster population.” After receiving his doctorate, his first client was a Yak named Frank owned by neighbor Winston Bobmiller. Nepolski tried to persuade Frank onto a couch. This didn’t work out too well. Frank went crazy grabbing Nepolski with his horns and snapping him like a football. Frank then galloped away proudly, with his large tail held high.
***
Eat well, work hard, and give me a call.
PRODUCTION CREDITS
Host: Harrison Beillor
Producer: David Allen
Technical Director: Wendy Gabriel
Inspiration: The Writer’s Almanac, with Garrison Keillor
Filed Under: Life • Media • Minneapolis • Minnesota • Society • Writing • humor • radio
I seek animal sound effects. Hope you can help.
[Reply]
I feel sorry for young Mr. Nepolski; misunderstood lad that he was. How encouraging to see that he could prove everyone wrong, rise above the ridicule and make something of himself. I wonder if he could assist with a crazy cat who insists on stuffing herself into containers much, much too small for her body?
I’m hungry for donuts…
[Reply]
Dear Harrison,
Loved this story. I too am a farmer and have been telling people for years that I can talk to animals. In fact, I have a pig named Rosie that can sing the old McDonald’s “Big Mac” song. You know, “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles…you remember it, right? She also tells me that pigs don’t like rolling in the mud. They like water and eating a lot. Also, horses and cows don’t like to talk that much but you can’t shut a chicken up. I have a farm hand named Larry that claims he is a gerbil whisperer, just in case you’re interested. Love your report each week. Never miss it.
Foster W
[Reply]
Foster, your kind comments are greatly appreciated by me and the entire staff of The Farmland Almanac. If I’m remembering correctly, you’re near Rolling Rapids (Kansas), I’ll be making an appearance at Charlie’s Fancy Feed on Saturday, April 11. I’ll be doing a reading of “Sheep” by Earl Felcher. Come on up and say hello.
Kind regards,
Harrison
[Reply]
Terri, your cat situation is one I’ve run across on many occasions. Although I’m not a cat psychologist, I would like to offer you this: Have you considered placing your cat in the hands of a personal trainer? They’re relatively inexpensive and the combination of a proper diet and 30 minutes-per-day on the KittyMill might help correct her self-containment issues.
Best wishes,
Harrison
[Reply]
This dude may have been onto something. Sometimes animals are more enjoyable to talk to than people are. Regrettable that Frank wasn’t among that bunch.
[Reply]