My Letter to Oprah

Dear Oprah,

So, how are things?  Anything new in your life?  I haven’t heard from you since . . . well, ever.  I email.  Nothing.  I contact Gail.  Nothing.  I send you Greek pastries.  Nothing.  I Tweet to @Oprah.  Nothing.

But listen, I don’t want to keep you too long.  You’re busy.  Just one thing I wanted to discuss with you and that’s this business of you on Twitter.

Oprah's Harpo Studios in ChicagoSince word first leaked about @Oprah, the MOO’s immediately started following you (MOO = Minions of Oprah).  As I began writing this post, your number sat at 485, 635 followers.  I’ll be giving an updated followers count at the end.

Incidentally, I am follower 45,333.  Just to make sure, I went to your followers list and began counting.  Sure enough, there’s @CGProgram at No. 45,333.

And are you still sending the free issue of your new magazine, Oprah Tweets, to the first 50,000 followers?  I’ve never been a part of Oprah’s Favorite Things, but getting this mag is darn close.  I’ve forwarded my address just in case it was misplaced.

But Twitter… Oprah, I think we both know the effect you’ve had on the Twitter Universe.  In a word, staggering.  Let’s check our O-Scorecard, shall we:

  • When you speak, people listen.
  • When you recommend, people buy.
  • When you Tweet, people pass out.

The Oprah Effect has become part of Americana.  Hot dogs, apple pie and Oprah.  We love all three.  OK, that’s excessive.  Some people don’t much care for hot dogs.  Others don’t like apple pie (which is absurd).  But everyone likes Oprah.

So I’d like to propose something to you.  And please, take your time considering it.  No rush to a decision . . .

I’d like you to recommend Blog Harbor.

Disneyland is The Happiest Place on Earth, Blog Harbor is a joyous little blog fit for Oprah.

I think you’d agree, it’s time.  I know you’ve considered it before – people talk – but didn’t believe the timing was quite right.  And I get that.  For goodness sake between your show, your magazine, Stedman, Dr. Oz, Gail — Blog Harbor can get lost.

I’ve heard people suggest Blog Harbor’s growing multimedia empire is practically at the level of yours . . . . . . maybe it’s not “people,” maybe it’s my five-year-old daughter and my friend from Norway, Magnus.  Magnus has assured me Blog Harbor is huge in Lillehammer.

And let me be clear about something:  I don’t expect you to recommend Blog Harbor without something from me in return.  That’s not how I roll.  I’m prepared to offer a variety of things in return.  Among them:

  • Coming to your home and making Bananas Foster for you and whomever you invite as guests.
  • Bringing both of my young daughters over to exercise your dog.
  • Doing an episode of Gabriel Theatre on the Air titled, Waiting for Oprah.

And I don’t know if you knew this but Blog Harbor was awarded a Nobel Prize in Literature.  I’m sensing a little cross-promotion with Oprah’s Book Club.  Your thoughts?

Finally, from the time I began this post to now – just under 20 minutes – your followers on Twitter have grown from 485,635 to 487,561.  That’s approximately 96 new followers-per-minute.

Filed Under: humorOprah Winfrey

About the Author: Christopher Gabriel is the host of the cleverly named Christopher Gabriel Program on AM 970 WDAY in Fargo, North Dakota. You can hear him weekdays from 9 to Noon. As a writer and humorist, his work has been been published online by the Chicago Sun-Times, Reuters and publications within the Sun-Times News Group.

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  1. Mugsy says:

    Having had your Bananas Foster, Oprah would be foolish not to take you up on that offer. And for the record, we’ve called her “The Leader” for as long as I can remember.

    [Reply]

  2. CGabriel says:

    Mugsy, so nice to see you back in Blog Harbor. Your absence has been felt.

    I have to say, I think Oprah would enjoy my Bananas Foster. And while I’m sure she’s had it made for her by lightweights like Emeril, she’s not had it made for her by Blog Harbor’s Executive Chef. 🙂

    [Reply]

  3. de-I says:

    Rumor has it that Blog Harbor is HUGE in Wagon Mound, NM.

    I pass Harpo Studios almost every time I’m in CHI because it is close to where our office is and there’s a popular place for breakfast meetings close by. Thank goodness I’m not a follower of the the Great Op as it would be embarrassing for my partners if I fainted each time we saw it.

    [Reply]

  4. CGabriel says:

    Oh it’s not rumor – our numbers from Wagon Mound, NM are off the charts! We may set up a post-signing there. Can I have my people contact you for logistical support?

    [Reply]

  5. lizriz says:

    lol

    Surely she can’t resist Bananas Foster!

    [Reply]

  6. Gabriella says:

    Pssstt CGabriel If Oprah won’t take you up on your offer I would love the bananas foster including the exercising of our dogs. Btw do you use real Banana liquor or do you use the fake flavoring? Loved this post very well said. Except I have to tell you I am not an Oprah fan never have been but, I wouldn’t say no to her muttering my name or my business.

    [Reply]

  7. CGabriel says:

    Hi Gabriella – thank you for stopping by!

    My Bananas Foster uses real everything. No fake flavoring, ever…and, no banana liqueur. I have always believed the bananas, brown sugar and butter in concert with the dark rum are more than enough to provide amazing flavor. I know a lot of restaurants like adding a few tablespoons of banana liqueur but I’m not in that camp. When I worked up my recipe years ago I tried it with the liqueur, first. Then, I did it without. I’ve never looked back.

    One thing I do like to do when I have time: Make pastry shells for the ice cream to sit in.

    And have I mentioned you have a superb name? 🙂

    [Reply]

  8. Jules says:

    Having never had Bananas Foster, what’s so great about it?

    [Reply]

  9. terri says:

    I have a proposal for you… If I present a Blog Harbor campaign to the Oprah people, will you make bananas foster for me? Just a thought. She’ll listen to me. I know she will. I buy all those books she recommends. (And between you and me, some of them aren’t even all that good! But if it’s got the Oprah sticker on it, I’ll buy it.)

    Think about it.

    [Reply]

  10. CGabriel says:

    You answered your own question Jules. Once you finally have Bananas Foster, you’ll have an immediate understanding of the unbridled culinary joy it offers.

    If you like bananas, brown sugar, dark rum, butter and vanilla ice cream, this will become an instant favorite for you. This is one of those flaming desserts you see being made tableside in a nice restaurant.

    [Reply]

  11. CGabriel says:

    Terri, you’re on. I believe an Oprah Campaign – Bananas Foster exchange is more than equitable. 🙂

    [Reply]

  12. Mike says:

    I had to Google “bananas foster” because I’ve never even heard of it. Looks pretty interesting. I’m sure Oprah would be game.

    The geek in me wonders if WordPress’s servers could handle all the traffic you’d receive if Oprah were to mention you on her show. I gurantee that you’d have a huge following, though. You’re a very talented guy in the literary department. That should be worth something. Doesn’t she have a book club something-or-other? She should start a “blog club!”

    [Reply]

  13. CGabriel says:

    Mike, Oprah’s Blog Club is long overdue. That’s a sensational idea. I’m turning that into Phase III of….The Plan. 🙂

    [Reply]

  14. Jules says:

    Next time I go out to eat where there is “Bananas Foster” on the dessert menu, I’m getting it..

    [Reply]

  15. sage mcgreen says:

    I heard Oprah is a picky eater and doesn’t eat processed food or anything white, such as- sugar, bread, potatoes, sour cream, vanilla ice cream, etc, etc, etc.

    Can you make Organic Bananas Foster?

    btw
    You might be the silliest man on earth.

    [Reply]

  16. CGabriel says:

    sage mcgreen – GREAT to have you stop by Blog Harbor. I hope you’ve found the accomodations to your liking.

    I’m happy to report Bananas Foster CAN be entirely organic. And that’s very much in line with how we eat over here. The only thing in Bananas Foster that really can’t be organic is the dark rum……….unless I start making my own.

    Ideas? 🙂

    [Reply]

  17. opit says:

    Organic bananas aren’t that much more, either. I’m told more esoteric types are well worth the extra charge because of flavour. I’m thinking I would likely end up using Sugar in the Raw and Appleton’s Jamaican Rum because of availability : seeing as I’m out in the sticks.

    [Reply]

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