I’ve been long overdue to get down to the Red River.  After watching, reading and hearing about what happened in the Fargo-Moorhead area this past winter, I needed to meet the river, face-to-face.  It was imperative I gathered myself, geared up and did some hard riding to learn what makes this river tick. 

Lacking my own heavy-duty, trail-worthy mountain bike but feeling relatively secure in my manhood, I borrowed the wheels from a certain five-year-old girl who lives under the same roof as me. 

Actually, “borrowed” may not be wholly accurate.  Let’s just say a bargain was struck and I wasn’t even present to vote on it. 

Until today I was unaware of the Wheels for Ice Cream bill, passed in the Gabriel House just this morning.  The bill is very simple:

• One scoop would allow me 30 minutes on the bike.   
• Two scoops would get me an hour. 
• Three or more scoops and I get unlimited time on the bike, plus…she goes to bed the second I ask her.  No debate, no stalling, no tantrums. 

There was, however, a small item on page 117 of the bill – the final page dealing with the three-scoop option – that gave me cause for concern:  If she doesn’t finish all three scoops, the “goes to bed the second I ask her” language is thrown out.

I rode for 60 minutes.  She ate her two scoops while I sprawled out on a picnic table with ice packs on my knees.